Revision.
I am not done nursing Chloe.
My decision, not hers.
It's been a long week. The whole issue has been weighing on me. I felt broken, mind, body and spirit.
I wasn't really at peace with my decision to exclusively pump. It wasn't until a few people mentioned "nursing strike" that I decided to reconsider.
The past few days I've been devouring info on nursing strikes. I have come to the conclusion that is exactly what we were experiencing, especially because I believe she is teething again.
Pumping was wearing me down. Yesterday I was to the point of looking up the cost of formula and calculating how much we would need to budget for it. That's how bad it had gotten. I had an emotional breakdown when Keith got home last night.
And then I watched an episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8.
Yup, you read correctly. A TV show helped me make my decision. (See how beneficial TV can be?)
If you've seen the show, you may have noticed a t-shirt Jon wears, reading Isaiah 40:31. I've often wondered what verse that was, but never remembered to look it up.
Until last night.
"but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
Duh.
I was doing all of this on my own strength. I wasn't asking God to renew my strength each day.
Last night I was thinking about that verse as it applied to pumping.
Today, I was thinking about that verse as it applied to nursing.
I am just not ready to be done. And, actually, I don't think Chloe is either.
We successfully nursed at 11:00 today! It was so sweet. She even pulled off at one point, looked up at me and smiled.
So, I will hope in the Lord. That His plans are for us to continue.
And, when we are done, I will know that I did all I could.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Monday, January 5, 2009
My Pity Party
I think I am done nursing Chloe.
Her decision. Not mine.
It started a few days after Christmas. I was getting ready to nurse her before bedtime and she would not latch on. There had been times before when she was fussy or disinterested, but this was different. She would not even turn to me and she was screaming bloody murder. She was so upset that she had tears flowing, which of course, made my own tears flow.
I had never experienced such a problem with nursing her. After about 20 minutes of attempting to calm her down and get her to nurse, Keith ended up feeding her a bottle. She took the bottle with no hesitation.
The next morning was a repeat of that night. A little less dramatic on her end, but refusal nonetheless. The past two weeks have been more of the same.
I didn't know what to do. I was so very upset. I still am a little bit. I felt like I had done something wrong. I couldn't understand why my baby suddenly didn't want to nurse.
So, after a lot of thinking, talking and praying, I think I am done nursing. I am still going to pump and continue to feed her breast milk for as long as my body will provide it. It is so much more of a pain though. Instead of just plopping her on, I now have to pump, clean the pump stuff, store the milk properly, prepare the bottle, clean the bottle. I completely respect women who choose to exclusively pump because believe me, it is WAY more work than breastfeeding. Plus, you don't get the same bond.
I am thankful that I was able to bf for 7 months though. I remember those first few days when I never thought I would make it for 2 weeks. A friend (who understands what I am going through and was trying to find a positive for me) told me that maybe it was good Chloe decided to wean herself. That probably is a good thing, I just had always imagined that I would know the last time I would nurse her and I could just cherish that time. But, I have many other times to cherish. I know that. It's still hard.
I had no idea when I started to bf that it would become what it did. It was such a bonding time for Chloe and I. It was something that only we shared. I'll miss that. I'm still struggling a little bit with the whole situation, but every day gets better.
Speaking of, I need to quit blogging and go pump.
Her decision. Not mine.
It started a few days after Christmas. I was getting ready to nurse her before bedtime and she would not latch on. There had been times before when she was fussy or disinterested, but this was different. She would not even turn to me and she was screaming bloody murder. She was so upset that she had tears flowing, which of course, made my own tears flow.
I had never experienced such a problem with nursing her. After about 20 minutes of attempting to calm her down and get her to nurse, Keith ended up feeding her a bottle. She took the bottle with no hesitation.
The next morning was a repeat of that night. A little less dramatic on her end, but refusal nonetheless. The past two weeks have been more of the same.
I didn't know what to do. I was so very upset. I still am a little bit. I felt like I had done something wrong. I couldn't understand why my baby suddenly didn't want to nurse.
So, after a lot of thinking, talking and praying, I think I am done nursing. I am still going to pump and continue to feed her breast milk for as long as my body will provide it. It is so much more of a pain though. Instead of just plopping her on, I now have to pump, clean the pump stuff, store the milk properly, prepare the bottle, clean the bottle. I completely respect women who choose to exclusively pump because believe me, it is WAY more work than breastfeeding. Plus, you don't get the same bond.
I am thankful that I was able to bf for 7 months though. I remember those first few days when I never thought I would make it for 2 weeks. A friend (who understands what I am going through and was trying to find a positive for me) told me that maybe it was good Chloe decided to wean herself. That probably is a good thing, I just had always imagined that I would know the last time I would nurse her and I could just cherish that time. But, I have many other times to cherish. I know that. It's still hard.
I had no idea when I started to bf that it would become what it did. It was such a bonding time for Chloe and I. It was something that only we shared. I'll miss that. I'm still struggling a little bit with the whole situation, but every day gets better.
Speaking of, I need to quit blogging and go pump.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Santa Baby
We took Chloe to see Santa on Saturday.
We were wondering what her reaction would be. It wasn't bad. At first I thought I saw her bottom lip quiver. Thank goodness she realized she could grab his beard. I think that stopped any meltdown she may have had.
I can't believe it is her first Christmas already.
Merry Christmas to you and your families. I wish you all a joyful holiday and a wonderful New Year.
We were wondering what her reaction would be. It wasn't bad. At first I thought I saw her bottom lip quiver. Thank goodness she realized she could grab his beard. I think that stopped any meltdown she may have had.
I can't believe it is her first Christmas already.
Merry Christmas to you and your families. I wish you all a joyful holiday and a wonderful New Year.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Baking Like There's No Tomorrow
I love to bake.
There is something soothing about putting on my apron and mixing and measuring and rolling and spooning. Not to mention that one of my favorite smells is freshly baked cookies or bread. Mmmmmmm....
I especially love to bake Christmas cookies.
This year I baked chocolate chip cookies, gooey butter cookies, snickers surprise cookies, peanut butter blossoms and holiday pretzel treats.
This year, instead of giving out gift certificates, I decided to give cookies. I think a homemade gift is more thoughtful. So, our neighbors, mail carrier, playgroup instructors and some of Keith's students got cookies in these adorable boxes I found.
I had a great time last weekend, baking my lil heart out. If only I didn't have to clean up after myself.
Do you bake for the holiday? What are your favorite things to make?
There is something soothing about putting on my apron and mixing and measuring and rolling and spooning. Not to mention that one of my favorite smells is freshly baked cookies or bread. Mmmmmmm....
I especially love to bake Christmas cookies.
This year I baked chocolate chip cookies, gooey butter cookies, snickers surprise cookies, peanut butter blossoms and holiday pretzel treats.
This year, instead of giving out gift certificates, I decided to give cookies. I think a homemade gift is more thoughtful. So, our neighbors, mail carrier, playgroup instructors and some of Keith's students got cookies in these adorable boxes I found.
I had a great time last weekend, baking my lil heart out. If only I didn't have to clean up after myself.
Do you bake for the holiday? What are your favorite things to make?
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Our Week in Pictures
Playing in the leaves
My first attempt at homemade baby food... peas and sweet potatoes
Chloe's first bite of peas
Our Christmas tree
Our first outside Christmas lights
Little stocking stuffer
Just us
Monday, December 8, 2008
Just Another Day
Time is a funny thing.
I feel like my days go so quickly and so slowly all at the same time. It's weird.
When I am living my days, it feels like bedtime can't come quick enough. But, when Friday rolls around, I can't believe my week is almost over.
Does this make sense? Is it just me? Anyway.....
We are STILL in the midst of boxes. That's right. We've been living here for almost 2 months and I still have unpacked boxes. We don't have a single thing hung on the walls.
We have managed to put up our Christmas tree and Keith hung our outside lights this weekend. This is the first time we have had a home to hang outside lights! Very exciting! My mom always hung lights outside when we were little and there is just something magical about seeing your house lit up with Christmas lights.
Chloe is 6 months old. That means time for solids. I spent yesterday making baby food for her. I am going to start with peas and sweet potatoes. She has been having rice cereal since for about 3 weeks now. Yesterday she was introduced to peas. She took them really, really well. I was surprised. So, we'll eat peas for a week or so and then try sweet potatoes. I also found frozen squash that I plan on making soon.
I wanted to make Chloe's food since I am home and have the time. I learned yesterday that it is actually really simple to make the food. I would do it even if I was working, I think. AND, so much cheaper. The cheapest jar of baby food I have found around here is 38 cents per jar. I bought a bag of frozen peas for $1 and it yielded 26 servings of baby food! So, Keith and I figured we saved about $6-$7. The sweet potatoes cost a bit more since I bought fresh, but still a savings of about $3-$4. Plus, I have to admit it was kinda fun to make the food. It took me about an hour or so and I won't have to make any more for over a month.
Oh, did I mention that Chloe is 26.5 inches and weighs 17 lbs 5 oz? I am so thankful every time we go to the doctor and I learn that she is still growing so well. She is such a healthy little girl. And, she had 4 shots at her well baby visit and she didn't even cry for the first two! I'm not even that brave when I have shots. It was a proud moment for me.
I promise, promise, promise to try to post some pictures soon. I know I have been saying that for months now.
But, for now, I am going to enjoy the rest of Chloe's nap and treat myself to a hot cocoa.......
I feel like my days go so quickly and so slowly all at the same time. It's weird.
When I am living my days, it feels like bedtime can't come quick enough. But, when Friday rolls around, I can't believe my week is almost over.
Does this make sense? Is it just me? Anyway.....
We are STILL in the midst of boxes. That's right. We've been living here for almost 2 months and I still have unpacked boxes. We don't have a single thing hung on the walls.
We have managed to put up our Christmas tree and Keith hung our outside lights this weekend. This is the first time we have had a home to hang outside lights! Very exciting! My mom always hung lights outside when we were little and there is just something magical about seeing your house lit up with Christmas lights.
Chloe is 6 months old. That means time for solids. I spent yesterday making baby food for her. I am going to start with peas and sweet potatoes. She has been having rice cereal since for about 3 weeks now. Yesterday she was introduced to peas. She took them really, really well. I was surprised. So, we'll eat peas for a week or so and then try sweet potatoes. I also found frozen squash that I plan on making soon.
I wanted to make Chloe's food since I am home and have the time. I learned yesterday that it is actually really simple to make the food. I would do it even if I was working, I think. AND, so much cheaper. The cheapest jar of baby food I have found around here is 38 cents per jar. I bought a bag of frozen peas for $1 and it yielded 26 servings of baby food! So, Keith and I figured we saved about $6-$7. The sweet potatoes cost a bit more since I bought fresh, but still a savings of about $3-$4. Plus, I have to admit it was kinda fun to make the food. It took me about an hour or so and I won't have to make any more for over a month.
Oh, did I mention that Chloe is 26.5 inches and weighs 17 lbs 5 oz? I am so thankful every time we go to the doctor and I learn that she is still growing so well. She is such a healthy little girl. And, she had 4 shots at her well baby visit and she didn't even cry for the first two! I'm not even that brave when I have shots. It was a proud moment for me.
I promise, promise, promise to try to post some pictures soon. I know I have been saying that for months now.
But, for now, I am going to enjoy the rest of Chloe's nap and treat myself to a hot cocoa.......
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Smart Poo?
I swear my daughter has the smartest poo ever.
They always seem to know when she is wearing a white onesie. They take the opportunity to shoot up the back of her diaper and adhere to said white onesie.
Oh the joys of parenthood.
They always seem to know when she is wearing a white onesie. They take the opportunity to shoot up the back of her diaper and adhere to said white onesie.
Oh the joys of parenthood.
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