Monday, November 19, 2007

Honesty- Really the Best Policy?

I have had a personal struggle lately.

Is honesty really the best policy?

Under most circumstances I would say "ABSOLUTELY", but something in my life recently made me question my opinion.
I have a dear friend who I am going through some rough patches with. We had a long talk, during which she said that we needed to be completely honest with each other in order to get our friendship back on track. I didn't know if I fully agreed.

See, she said some "honest" things that hurt my feelings. I don't know that I necessarily needed to know those things. I chose not to share my "honest" feelings because I believe the only result would have been hurt feelings on her behalf. Is it best to be honest when you are only going to bring pain? Are you being honest in order to better the relationship or to ease the burden on yourself? I honestly don't know....

Funny how God works though.... I was really struggling with this for a few days. Keith and I went to church that Saturday night and the message was, what else- HONESTY. Our Pastor talked about how honesty is crucial in every relationship, no matter how difficult the subject is. He said that if you want the relationship to flourish and grow, you will come across times when you need to endure the difficult task of being honest.

Okay, okay, okay... I get it.

So, God is working on me. I am almost there. Now the hard part comes with broaching the difficult subject with my friend, again. The subject I try so hard to avoid. I am not confrontational and the conversation will not be easy. But, I know that it needs to be done for the sake of the friendship.


Anonymous said...

Quite the dilema!!
I believe that honesty is the best police in most cases. But you made a valid point, that I think you should give more thought. Will telling your friend this truth really make your friendship better?!? Has this secret been keeping you up at night? I think we need to rethink the honesty thing, because if this is something that could make the relationship better than by all means talk about it, but if it's something that can only hurt your friend and isn't really going to make a difference, then what is the use of bringing it up again. Sometimes, I know, in my life, I think to much about things and make them bigger than they need to be. Life is to short to dwell on what we should have said or done. I think we should just learn and move on. Although that is easier said than done.
Love ya, Linda
P.S. Can't wait to see you!!!

it's me, Val said...

Email me. I dealt with a very similar issue with my best friend a couple years ago. It was hard. Really. But I told the truth. I'll tell you honestly what happened.

I know how hard this topic is. We're a lot alike.


Alexis Jacobs said...

I'm sorry you are facing this. I too find it hard to sometimes say exactly what I am thinking. I know it will hurt the person on the other end and sometimes it just isn't worth it. In your case, the friend did want open honestly.

What a tough situation. ((hugs))

Anonymous said...

First response........ "Proceed with caution"

Realistically.....We are going to get hurt. (I've found it to be like a drop of vanilla in my french toast batter. One tiny drop hits its target and clouds the whole content.)

But honestly....Sometimes I think "no words" are best. I do not want to be the little drop of pain & hurtfulness that clouds someone else's life, I would much rather remain silent and look for the Good.

Now if your friend continues to bombard you with their honesty, just pop them good! :) :) "Just kidding, I know you will do the right thing."

Love :) MOM

Karen said...

The relationship is already compromised. AND you both are aware of it. AND you ABSOLUTELY did nothing wrong. I say, be honest. Share your feelings with her as she did with you. Bottom line...she states she wants that. Although, I kind of feel that she's angry, she knows it's silly, and may be looking for a reason to validate that anger. Which would be, your being honest. Hence, now I have a reason to be mad!!
Keep in mind, I'm very dysfunctional!! HA HA HA HA