Thursday, May 1, 2008

May!

I cannot believe that it is May 1! Baby is due next month, so I have one month (or less than one month if she decides to come early). Wow.

In spite of the sickness (and more sickness) and diabetes and loads of testing, pregnancy hasn't been that bad. It could have been much worse. I am thankful that I didn't have to go on bed rest, although lately it sounds pretty nice. I am thankful that she seems to be doing really well in there and growing and maturing just as she should.

Lately though, it has been getting harder. My body is tired. My back hurts, my feet are starting to swell and I've felt my first contractions today! Kind of feels like cramps, which I had pleasantly forgotten about. I'm constantly hot and the moodiness is setting in. Take yesterday for example- I was just sad. No reason, nothing happened. I was just sad and I couldn't shake it. I apologized to my husband, tried to let him know that he had done nothing wrong and I wasn't really sure what is wrong with me. Luckily, he is very understanding.

I know part of it is hormones. Part of it is being mentally and physically exhausted. Part of it is something else I can't quite put my finger on. I think I feel like my world is revolving around Baby right now- packing bags, making checklists, doctor appointments, preparing her space, reading books... which leaves little to no time for me. In a way, I feel like I have lost part of myself recently. I need to make time for just me. Read a book, get a pedicure, have some tea with friends, just do something for me.... no baby talk or preparations allowed.
Plus, I'm starting to get a little nervous about when she actually arrives. Will I be a good mom? Will I know how to calm her? How to make her happy? Will I be able to breastfeed? So many unknowns.... I realize that I cannot worry about all of these things, that eventually they will fall into place. Still, they are there, in the back of my mind.

On a positive note, I think that Keith and I have decided on a name for Baby! We aren't sharing it though, so you will have to wait. I still can't call her by her name because I know that once I start, I will slip and use it and our little secret will be out.

So, my next post will have nothing to do about babies or pregnancy. That is my promise to myself. One way for a little bit of "me" time.....

8 comments:

Louise said...

Oh girl I feel your pain...you will be a fantastic mom!! I felt the same way before my first one came because it is something so foreign being a mommy for the first time. Get some rest and some you time before she comes and also make time for that after she comes(easier said than done sometimes). I will be thinking of you and praying that this last month will be a good one for you and for a safe delivery and a great bonding experience between you and your baby!
Can't wait to hear the name!!
Hugs !
Love, L

it's me, Val said...

Is it the "M" name that Keith loves? :)

Corie, I look back at Noah's birth and what I went through with that, and how he was colic when he was hear and how he didn't do well at breastfeeding and I see how well I did as a mother despite all that. It's amazing what you DO do and CAN do when the baby is here despite the fact that your body is worn out and your hormones are going crazy. Somehow you find it in you to keep going because you have to --- for that baby which is in your total control now. Once you realize that he/she is your responsibility you somehow, by God's grace, I know, are able to stand up to the plate and be the mother God created you to be. I sometimes can't believe the things I went through, especially with Noah. Before having him I would have thought that there is no way I could do what I did, but now that I've been there, I know it was because God suddenly gave me patience that I didn't know was in me. Love is everything and then the rest of it falls into place, like the patience and feelings of thankfulness. :) You're going to do fantastic.

Go have that pamper day. I remember the last few days with Noah. I went to Krekel's for the last time and had my pork tenderloin and milk shake and sat outside in peace and quiet to eat it. I turned the music up loud in the house. I did some final shopping --- for me. I had bought so much for baby that I wanted to buy myself something. I bought cute socks :) Just enjoy and savor the peace. :)

Love you!

Lilypad Mom said...

I had the same sort of feelings the last month. My emotions were all over the place and I was terrified that I wouldn't know how to be a good mom. LP was actually 5 days late, and I was completely ok with it because I wasn't ready for the baby to come and actually have to be responsible for it.

Christy G said...

i haven't been on the blogs lately because school has consumed my life BUT i can't believe your baby is due in a month!! i know we are just blog buddies but know that i am praying for you and your baby!!

laura said...

Sounds like we're feeling pretty much the same things. :)

My breast feeding fears aren't so big this time, since I already had a baby with trouble and it worked fine. If you do have trouble ask for a nipple guard. The nurse didn't tell me about them until I'd tried all the painful methods of getting Deeder to nurse "naturally."

I'm so happy for you that Keith is understanding on the crazy hormones you're experiencing! Darren would just say, "I don't read minds." and that would make me cry even more! He's been great the second time around though. :)

Glad you finally found a name that you think you like! My mom and dad never named babies ahead of time; they say that they had to get to know the baby first...whatever works!

Anonymous said...

Philippians 4:6-7 might help

thank you again for introducing me to Karen Kingsbury.
Love Linda

Anonymous said...

i'm so glad we got to hang out the other day and hopefully it helped get some "you" time just a little bit?? you will be a GREAT mom!!(and keith a great supporting daddy and husband!!)~ and remember, if you guys ever need adult time, i love to babysit!! :)
'aunt cole' :)

Alexis Jacobs said...

You are going to be an awesome, amazing mom. And you have so many cybermoms to help you along the way. ((hugs))