Thursday, January 22, 2009

Not So Love-ly

Lately, I've been feeling convicted.

I'm not showing God's definition of love.
We've all heard the verse a thousand times. If you are like me, you can recite the verse, but you may not have ever dissected it. Really gotten to the meaning of it.

God is showing me that I need to.

I Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.

As I read this and focus on each and every word, all I can say is....
I have a long way to go.

I am ashamed to admit that I have been the exact opposite of all these things to a loved one recently. I have been impatient, unkind, envious, proud, rude, angry, holding grudges.

Isn't that sad? I haven't been showing love at all. To a person I say I love you to every day. It saddens my heart. I'm sure it saddens God's heart. And then, I wondered.... if I am not showing love, than am I truly loving? Sadly, I think the answer is no. How can I truly be loving someone when I am being impatient, unkind, rude, and angry? Sigh. A very sad sigh.

I don't know why I am this way. I do know that I want to change. I don't know why I try to change on my own. I do know that I can't do it on my own.

So, I am, with God's help, going to change.

I think the best way is to really internalize this verse. I'm going to take each description of love, one at a time, and pray on it. I'm going to make a conscious effort each day to live out that definition of love.

So, today, I will start from the beginning. Patience.

My prayer is that not only will I live out God's definition of love, but that my loved ones see and feel a difference in me.

More than anything, I want my family and friends to know, undoubtedly, that I have loved them the best that I can. So far, I don't think that I have been.

That is going to change. Starting now.


AJU5's Mom said...

Isn't it funny that love can be so hard? That we don't "Fall in Love" and that is it?

I have a hard time with self-seeking and boastfulness. I want to be number 1, but I know i should put God first, and then in love my husband and daughter. But, my human nature often gets a hold of me...

Ang said...

Cracking up at your 'toilet' post on my blog...guess just something you never think feet are dangling too..:) Your post today is sooooooo true...I need to give more love than always wanting to receive it. Thanks I needed that today!!

Jennifer said...

I have a really good book I would suggest, I probably have 2 or more

Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs

Sacred Marriage (you both have to read it)

Don't be hard on yourself....remember Corie this is SATAN! He loves to break families apart..and he's so patient! He loves to feed off those who are down and weak....

Hope this helps, both books are terrific..hope this helps:)

your in my prayers

lil ole' me..... said...

Thanks for the book suggestions Jennifer!
I will check into those, for sure!

Wonder if my library has 'em....

And, thanks for the words of encouragement.

Anonymous said...

Corie, Corie, Corie............
If nothing else, you have ALWAYS gone above and beyond.....and people knew it. You really make others feel special.
Are you perfect? no but pretty darn close!!!

Alexis Jacobs said...

I think we all go through times like these. In fact your post is pretty convicting right now. I think when we are under stress, changes, emotions (all which having a baby bring) sometimes we last out and usually it's the ones closest to us that are affected.

Hang in there.

Anonymous said...

i hear where you are going with this... but don't be too hard on yourself. we are NOT perfect!! we are only human and can only try our best :)

lil ole' me..... said...

Thanks for the comments....
I know that I am not perfect. I will not always say the perfect things or act in perfect ways.

All I am saying is that I am not even doing my best. I say things out of anger, when I should learn to think before I speak. I hold grudges longer than I should. I get impatient entirely too easy.

I honestly don't think I am being too hard on myself. Just truthful.

I let little things get to me too much. Little things that do not matter. What matters is my family and friends, and I need to ALWAYS treat them as if they do.

The way I see it, I mess up each and every day and God loves me with a love that I can't even begin to imagine. So, if He can love me like that, I should be able to show love to my loved ones, no matter what.