Thursday, April 19, 2007

For Better or For Worse?

Ok, something has been bothering me lately. I have been hesitant to put this post out there because I realize it may be a touchy subject for some. Please know that I am not writing this with anyone particular in mind. Like I said, this is just a subject that has been on my mind lately and I would like to hear other's opinions on it.

Marriage- do we, as a society, truly understand the meaning of marriage anymore? Have we become numb to what it actually means to stand up before friends, family and God and pledge ourselves to one another for the rest of our lives? How is it that we allow our marriages to crumble, without ever realizing their true potential? Are we choosing to marry out of feeling of obligation, whether to our future spouse or just societal pressure?

Most wedding vows say something along the lines of "for better or for worse, until death do us part". Are couples realizing the importance of these words when they vow this on their wedding day? Lately, I feel like so many people are forgetting the promises they make to each other and God. I feel like they aren't fighting for their relationships, not doing all they can to honor each other and God. I could be wrong, I don't know the ins and outs of every marriage. But, I do know that in Keith and I's marriage, divorce is not an option. Period. I realize that some people will think I am crazy for saying that, but whatever hardships our marriage endures, I KNOW that with God in the center of our relationship, we can overcome anything that comes our way.

One of the things that saddens me most is seeing a couple in what I call a "marriage of convenience". A marriage that is lacking the love, respect, communication and respect that it so deserves. The two people are somehow making it work, but their marriage isn't reaching its full potential. They are living together, day in and day out, but they are missing the big picture. I truly believe that every marriage has the potential to be GREAT. It is a choice that the husband and wife have to make. Of course, I think it is next to impossible for a marriage to reach that potential without God in the center of it. There is a verse that says something along the lines of "a strand of 3 cords is not easily broken." I am a firm believer in that.

I want so badly to reach those couples whose marriages seem 'just ok' or whose marriages are not working at all. I want to tell them that there is so much more in store for them if they are just willing to work for it. I want to assure them that it can get better, if both people are willing to put forth every ounce of effort they have into their marriage. Aren't our marriages worth fighting for? I want to see all marriages flourish and succeed. I want to see a day where our divorce rate is not 50%! Are we giving up too easily?

I'm reading a book "The Power of a Praying Wife". It is such a good book and shows me different aspects in my husband's life that I need to pray for. We have already seen results since I have started reading this book. The first chapter told me that I needed to pray for Keith's wife (me!). I needed to pray that I be the kind of wife that Keith needs, I needed to let go of my expectations, I needed to put my husbands needs in front of my own. This is hard for me to do all the time because I am a very stubborn, impatient, perfectionist. I have expectations that are probably almost impossible for Keith to reach. I am trying to let go of my expectations. I am realizing that Keith and I are not wired the same way. What is important to me is not always as important to him. For example, I need everything to be in it's place and just a certain way. Keith does not need this. So, is it really fair for me to expect him to fold the towels a certain way? If it is my hang up, it should be my responsibility. I shouldn't expect him to be the perfectionist that I am. I love him for who he is. As I am realizing these little things, our relationship is getting better.

My goal is to be the wife that Keith needs, a Proverbs 31 kind of wife. I pray that we can be a living example of what a marriage should be. I pray that all couples realize the joy that comes from a good marriage. I pray that husbands and wives realize what they have, not take each other for granted, not get caught up in the whirlwind of life and make time for each other.
Again, I hope my post hasn't offended anyone. That was never my intention. If you are married, take a moment to let your spouse know how much you love them, not only today, but every day!


it's me, Val said...

Why would that offend anyone? Not me! Your post spoke volumes . . . volumes that I hope many many people will read. I agree with you 110%!!! Corie, I have (and have read) the Power of a Praying Mother. It's really great, too. I can't wait for you to read that one day! I need to read this one, wanna swap?? :)

lil ole' me..... said...

I am totally up for swapping books. I have a few more chapters to read, but as soon as I am done I will mail it to you!! Or better yet, maybe we can actually get together sometime in the near future and I can give it to you in person?!?!
I just hope I don't offend anyone who has gone through a divorce.

Anonymous said...

well, i was totally offended by this post... i mean being an old marriage pro and all... haha.. i didn't think it was the least bit offensive either... and i agree with you! i just don't think people realize what it takes to make a marriage work, and how committed each person has to be.... not that i have experience, but i have been in several relationships and i have seen two marriages grow and prosper for many years (my parents and grandparents)... in conclusion, that is why i am NOT married... i know how much work it is and i'm too selfish right now... maybe that is everyone's problem??!!but they decide to get married anyway... maybe you and keith CAN AND WILL/ARE the example to others... i personally am inspired by your relationship!!! b/c of the fact that you both are 100% about making it work!!!!

Erin said...

That was a great post! I agree with you on all counts. I read "Power of a Praying Wife" a couple of years ago and it was so good. I should read it every year to keep it fresh. Great post!!!!

Cerella said...

Wow! First, let me tell you how much I enjoy reading your blog! You are quite the funny and insightful woman!
I love your passion for marriage. I am soo with you that many people just don't take their vows seriously. It's really sad. Your post really hit home for me because today, my brother's divorce was finalized. It's quite bittersweet. Without going into too much detail, he took his vows before God, family and friends and honored them 110%. Thanks for voicing your opinions....keep on keepin' on!